I'll Never Be Good Enough
by ViktorTheElder
Summary: Robbie is in love with Cat. Will he ever have the guts to tell her or will he just suffer in his longing for her forever?
1. Chapter 1

**I feel it is necessary to put that I do not own Victorious or any of their characters or anything.**

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**(Robbie's POV)**

I don't know what I would prefer. I don't know if I would rather know her and be friends with her like now, or if I would rather admire her from afar. It changes day to day. No. It changes quicker than that. Sometimes I love being best friends with her, and other times, it hurts so much it physically aches; being so close, and knowing that I will never be good enough, knowing that no matter what I do, or how I change, I will never be good enough for Cat Valentine.

I know that I probably sound like a creep, but I am in love with her. I know that she would never ever be interested in me, so I don't know why I let my emotions do this to me, but it just sort of…..happened…. Over the past year or so I've gotten really close to Cat. She has quickly become one of my best friends. Some people say that she's crazy or that she is just high all the time or on a bizarre cocktail of medication that makes her this way, but I love her quirkiness. I think it's adorable. The way she says the most random things, the way she makes jokes that make no sense to anyone but herself (at least, I assume they make sense to her, she laughs at them after all…). Just all those things about her drive me up a wall. Not to mention the fact that she is absolutely gorgeous. Her bright fiery red hair, her cute dimpled smile, her adorably high-pitched laugh, her amazing deep brown eyes….. Oh her eyes…. I look into her eyes and…. I know it sounds lame and corny, but I could get lost in them forever. I think other girls' eyes are pretty and all, but I can't really explain it, something about her eyes….. they're just so…..perfect. Flawless. Just like the rest of her.

Seeing her with other guys, or knowing she likes other guys….it literally feels like someone is shooting me in the chest with a nail gun. Literally. That is not an exaggeration. Like that guy Danny she dated, when Cat got hurt by him and Tori, my heart broke. For myself because I know I'd never be good enough for Cat and I'll never be at Danny's level, and for Cat because I love her and seeing her in any pain just kills me. Her pain hurts me more than my own.

I know she cares about me. In fact, we have told each other we love each other. I know, I know. The implications of my "I love you" are way different than hers. She no doubt just means as a best friend kind of platonic love, whereas mine….I mean I love her more than she will probably ever know and that I would do anything for her. But that doesn't matter. Nothing matters. It's hopeless. I will never be good enough for Cat Valentine….

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Being in Sikowitz's class is always an interesting internal battle. _Pay attention. Don't pay attention. Oh, Cat's so pretty. Stop thinking about her. Pay attention. What did Sikowitz just say? Hahahaha I love Cat's jokes, she's so perfect. Stop thinking about her. Pay attention! _It is always very interesting. I might get half the class or so of material that Sikowitz is trying to teach.

Today's class however, I am specifically sitting in front of Cat so that I will have a much easier time not thinking about her. That was a good idea for today because Sikowitz is assigning an acting project today. We've been focusing on how to act like someone who is lying. Acting is lying in a way, so acting like someone who is lying is a tricky scenario as it is almost like a double lying….thing…. Did that make any sense? Oh, whatever, this is why Sikowitz is trying to teach us it.

"So children," said Sikowitz, "you will all have to act out a scene with a partner to show that you both know how to make your character seem like they're lying. Since I always pick the groups for you, this time you may all pick your own partners."

"Really?" piped in Cat with her voice that just melts the air…. I'm glad I'm sitting in front of her, otherwise I would be caught in her amazing hair, her beautiful smile, her…. Wait, no. Pay attention, this is a project, it's important.

"NOPE! I WAS LYING!" cackled Sikowitz insanely, "I want you to be just as convincing as I just was. Now, I will have Andre and Jade, Beck and Tori, Robbie and Cat,…."

My mind is just racing. I am happy I get to spend more time with her, but it will hurt in the long run. She is always so great and yet so painful to be around. It's such a double edged sword, but she is worth it. I would suffer anything for her.

"Robbie!"

I love her. But what if I do something to mess up our friendship? What if I say something stupid? Cat is good at getting offended…

"Robbie!"

I guess I'll just have to watch what I say. I mean, I don't want her to think I'm a jerk. I mean we're best friends, what could go wrong? She and I have spent a ton of time together before, why will this be any different? I'm totally freaking out over nothing….

"ROBBIE!"

"Huh? What?" I realize now that the class has ended and Cat's been trying to get my attention. Oh no, now I'm someone who ignores her…

"Well," Cat said, "I wanted to see if you could work on our scene Wednesday after school. I have a meeting with my therapist today and tomorrow my brother has to go to his special appointment so I was thinking Wednesday if it's at my house, and I have a bigger house so we can be as loud as we want for our scene."

"Yea Cat, Wednesday's great!"

"Kay, kay!"

She smiles as she skips away, her beautiful hair blowing behind her humming a tune no one else knows. She is so perfect. Why am I such a failure? I love her, but I know I can never have her. I will never be good enough for her….

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**This is my first story, so I hope you like it. Please REVIEW so I can know what you think and give me some constructive criticism so I can improve as a writer. Oh and I haven't decided which way this story is going to go yet, so if you have an idea or you want it to go a certain way, review and tell me and I will totally consider it! Thank you! :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**So, Like usual I don't own Victorious, the characters, or anything.**

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**(Robbie's POV)**

Why? Why must my life be the way it is? I got dealt the crappiest hand possible in life. I got crappy unhelpful parents who pretend they don't have a son. I have no physical skills or anything; I can't play sports or anything. I am not attractive. In fact my whole life my mother told me I was fat and ugly and that I'd never be good enough for anything, or anyone…. Especially someone so perfect like Cat…

Hmm, when was the last time I ate? Yesterday morning? No, wait, I skipped breakfast, so maybe two days ago? Yea, that was it, two days ago. I don't eat so I can become more attractive. I was a chubby kid. My parents would always call me fat. Not to mention the people I went to school with who would call me stuff like "porky" and "lard" and other things like that. I can still remember exactly who and when and where people called me stuff like that. Things like that, they stick with you…. forever. I hate myself more for that. This is usually a girl problem, but you know what, screw that. Just another reason I would never be good enough for ANY girl, much less Cat.

I like the color of the water in the sink. It's interesting. It's a copper color. I always find that interesting. And it smells kind of like blood. Or maybe the smell is just the blood dripping from my shoulders. I can't do my wrists, people check those, but shoulders, nobody thinks to check for shoulders, I can do whatever I want to them and no one will ever be the wiser. Why would anyone care anyway? I'm just a stupid, worthless, untalented, unattractive loser. Nobody cares about me. Not even my parents. No, it doesn't matter. Why would it? It's not like I'm good enough for anyone to care. Not even my own blood cares for me. Oh, haha, ironic wording on my part. Drip…. drip.

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**Sorry, this one is a little more... morbid than before. Review. Let me know whatcha think. Let me know whatcha wana happen in the story. Ya... thanks...**


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